I feel like I’m starting a rosary or something, meditating on each piece of the past ten years and their consequence as a whole. It’s a little strange.
I’ve changed so much in the past ten years, and I’m in a very different place than I thought I would be. I am not as mature or grown-up as I expected, but young minds tend to assume that responsibilities are shouldered more easily as the years pass simply by virtue of age.
I have come to realize that, essentially, I am seeing the world with the same eyes that rolled in a ten-year-old’s skull. Every piece of me is in the same place but each particle is completely different, both physically and metaphorically. As my skin has changed and sloughed, each cell decaying slowly before drifting away, my way of seeing the world has been chafed and moved by every occurrence, to create a visibly different but subtly familiar new creature. It’s strange to move about the world knowing that, as both Pocahontas and Heraclitus said, although you can’t step in the same river twice, you can stand in a new one knowing that all rivers will someday meet again.
I’d like to set some goals for my next ten years; I’d like to think that I’m a better person for at least trying to become the person I dream about knowing, no matter how quickly everything is forgotten.
I will try to be more open-minded. Some of my favorite experiences have revolved around trying something new; even if I don’t like it, at least I’ve experienced something other than total comfort and contentment. **Insipid “romantic comedies” do not count toward this category. I will never watch “Valentine’s Day” or “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days”, ever.
I will not say yes to every single request for my time, and instead will use it to listen to quiet music and pray more often.
I will be more true to myself–the real self who likes to talk to dogs and draw pictures all over important notes, who doesn’t really hate everything and who actually wants to have friends even though she’s a big chicken.
I will welcome more color into my life.
I will enjoy my hobbies, no matter how silly or frivolous they are, because I can be feminine and decisive and intelligent at the same time.
I will not give on my plans just so I can regret it for the rest of my life.
I will talk to my family more, in the event that anyone dies in the near future. No more regrets for not taking time to know them.
I will be a better sister and strive to overcome the massive discomfort I feel around you.
I will not conform.
I will smile more and stop staring at the ground to avoid making eye contact with everyone around me.
I will always try to get a bedroom with at least two windows, so I never shut out the light.